Maka akhirlah favourite month aku pada tahun ni. I am fucking twenty seven now. Bomb!
I didn't set any expectation for my birthday. That way, I managed to save myself from dissappointment. I don't mean it in terms of material (birthday presents and shit). Just, I wished for very, very, very, simple things. Good times, good company, good health, good life. And I think post birthday it has been all of those I wished.
I admit, I am an emotional person. Kadang kadang aku sendiri tak sangka tahap emosi aku. My highs are pretty high, but once something or someone got me down, I'll be all over it for days, it sucks. I think it is set as ritual that at the eve of my birthday, I will religiously take some time out to reflect on my life. Where it has been. How I've dealt with things. Where I'm going to next.
I miss my father badly in that particular moment. Reminiscing all those times I had him here, times when I was away in Egypt (ha laa birthday aku tengah tahun, memang tak la aku dapat balik nak celebrate) and the last birthday I had Ayah here with me. It's crazy how our human minds stores memories, no? We link things to them and whenever I get a wiff of those mementos, it's like hey, dadzy's here.
I felt writing today because, at the age of 27, I still rage over stupid things. Today, someone in my class made a snark-ish reply and was not plain nice. Without no reason? Though my calm face says nothing, I just punched your imaginary dick three times already. People. Always. Have. A. Choice. Whether to be nice to people, despite WHATEVER SHIT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THAT HAS NO RELATION WHATSOEVER WITH ME AND THE REST OF THE WORLD EXCEPT THIS ONE PRICK or just be dick to everyone to please yourself.
People lack that, or am I surrounded by the many unbalanced hormones type of people? Or am I actually one of them? Lord, no.
What I am trying to point out is, why should I let attitude like that affect me too much. Dulu aku rasa, aku adalah seorang yang lebih chill daripada sekarang. Sekarang ni macam uptight and mudah annoyed adalah makanan aku. And I hate that. People get on your nerves all the time, I just need to re-learn how not to be bothered by these try hard attention-thirsty fucks.
Be cool like Ayah. The unfathomable and worst possible situations, he faced them as if they'd dissappear the very next day. And they did because he acted that way. So another birthday wish to add on (walaupun April dah habis tahun ni), be calm like my late father. Lek lah, belum kira birthday hijrah aku to make this happen. Third Syawal it is, then!
Nisfu Syaaban kids, moga kita dilemparkan jauh jauh jauh daripada munafik dan hati yang hitam.
